I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
