Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
