I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
