Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
