I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
