Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
