Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
