i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
