she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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