They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
