Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
