Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
