My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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