fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
