I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
