i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
