did you get engaged???
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
