yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize