I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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