you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
