Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize