dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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