did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
