seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
