Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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