and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
