apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
