my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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