I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
