Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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