So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
