You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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