check it out our google latitudes are spooning
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
