Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
