I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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