Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
