I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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