He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize