I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
