Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
