i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
