Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
