did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize