No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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