There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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