ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
