i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
