She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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