i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
