I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
