When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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