if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
