You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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