I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
