Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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