im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
