Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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