Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
