Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
