Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
