you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
