I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
