she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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