u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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