I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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