Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
