I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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