If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
