Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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