So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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