The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize