So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
