just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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