If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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