sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think a kid would responsible me up
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
