i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Let's paint friendship bongs
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
