His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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