why didn't you poke me back
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
