peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
