Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
