may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
