You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
