My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
