It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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