it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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