And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
